It is now four months from the planned start date for the ride. Notice I said planned start date. Fear and doubt have now crept in. Now, you might thinking that I am talking about fear of what might happen on the ride and doubt about if I can make the ride. The truth is the fear comes from having to leave everything I know behind. I live alone with my son. He will be going off to college, and I can’t afford to leave the house empty. So I only have two choices. One, sell the house or two rent it out. Either way I can’t afford to keep the house and make payments while I’m on the road. What it comes down to is that I am afraid of having to purge and get rid of a lifetime of stuff. I suppose that is part of what this trip is about. On the surface I want to downsize and let go of the clutter in my life. Deep down though I am terrified to actually do that. You see I am a bit of a hoarder. Mind you, nowhere close to those people you see on the television shows but I can definitely empathize with them. I’m not sure if I will be able to effectively get rid of enough stuff.
The doubt comes from things that need accomplished around the house. I had all the time in the world, and now, chores have mounted up and I am doubting that I will be able complete them in time to sell or rent the house out before I leave. I have let enough repairs go over the years thinking I always had time to get them done. After all, I never really “had” to worry about them. These things will always be there tomorrow. I have always lived in the moment and took care of what needed to be done now and didn't worry about what needed done beyond that. Now I am paying for it and this demon is staring me in the face.
What does this all mean? It means that if I don’t find a way to get past my fears and doubts that this trip will not happen this year or maybe ever. I have to remember how I feel when I am on the bike and what the trip means to me from the aspect of proving to myself that I can do this ride and to those that I can help with the funds that are raised. This has been described to me that this is a trip of a lifetime. Maybe it is but I’m hoping that as I learn to follow my passion for riding that it will be more than just a trip. In ways that I can’t even foresee, I hope it will be life changing.
My hope, is that as I share my thoughts today and during the trip that it may be of some help to someone reading this blog. Help to find passion and strength to act.